Dear Derek, Love is when you look into someone's eyes and go all the way inside; to their soul and you both know... instantly! I wanted to the tell you about my feelings in person but then I thought how much more personal it would be to put them down in a letter. It might seem old fashioned, but there is something special about the written word - somehow it seems a little more permanent and meaningful.
There are many things that I have been meaning to say to you but just haven't found the words until now. I feel that You look at me in disgust now and i hope you have had good laughs at my expense over the years derek. I hooe now that youve seen me in person you are having evenmore fun feeling humiliated because of knowing me or fucking me or whatever else you seem to be the victim of pertaining to me...I hope you die laughing Derek.. as longas it makes you happy honey. Who gives a fuck what it makes me feel like about myself...right? You deserve it. . I decided put down these words because Im not sure what to do or say or even how I should feel about any of this Derek? Should I let go and walk away or should I continue to keep you in my life. This is very hard for me because on one hand...I love you so much Derek that I want you in my life as my friend. On the other I beat myself and I am tortured by my fears and thoughts and mostly what I can plainly see but refuse to acknowledge Derek. I only have what I see and feel to base my opinions on as well because you seemingly do not care to help me if I am wrong or right even...because Derek ..if you truely wanted me in your life...youd make an effort to keep me in it...period. All I see from this side is that I am taxing on your time and I seem to be a burden on you now that you fucked my face and cunt and shot your wad .....you seem to me that you did not enjoy it or You were turned off by something whether ut be my fat my pussy my mouth or maybe because I wasnt all freaky deaky like I said I was ...and for the record...I am indeed a freak Derek...I love sex and I love to fuck alot and in different ways etc etc ...So if you didnt like something about my sex ....and you chose to toss me out like the trash because of the sex you did get from me....YOU ARE THE BIGGEST FUCKING DUMBFUCK UNDESERVING JAGOFF ON THIS PLANET Derek...I HAVE TO HAVE KNEE SURGERY FOR ONE THING NOT TO MENTION I JUST GOT OUT OF THE MOTHERFUCKING HOSPITAL AFTER ALMOST DYING AND ALL! SO yeah...I wasnt quite up to par ....oh no! Cant imagine why I let my near death experience or hell even my a much needed knee surgery, effect yours and my 1st time to fuck...pssh! I mean really...who does that? Pssshhh! I am sorry...My bad Derek. That would be just as fucked up if I decided to fuck you off because you didnt last very long even though I know you were locked up for years ....That would be idiotic and fucking make me a fucking cunt ...For not caring about the obvious circumstances that caused it....Which I feel like you look at me and see this frazzled crazy bitch ...which due to alot of shit that has happened and shit in my life now even make me like this.. I feel like you are thinking that is who I am when Maybe right now while im dealing with shit..i am but I normally am not the woman in front of you that you see and judge unfairly Derek. I need friends who think I matter enough to walk beside me in times of trouble even though they cant fix some things they still walk beside me as my friend to help support me if I need it. I feel that you find me needy and i feel that you think im to fat or whatever .. which if that is why you decided to fuckme off derek.. then goddamn you...you pussy...The very least you can do is have enough balks to nut up and say that to me so I can look at you like the piece of shit you are and be done with you. Atleast that way I would know the truth and I wouldnt be left standing here guessing and feeling insecure and questioning every fucking thing and id stop analyzing everything ever said and id stop going over shit repeatedly trying to figure out what went wrong where! If that is why you now do not wish to be friends Derek.. FUCKING JUST SAY SO ALREADY. I wont be damaged half as much as what you just leaving me to my own thoughts is doing to me. Goddamn I deserve this much from you derek. Damn.. I was recently thinking of you at its making me so sad, i just wanted to believe in you to know that you were real
. Your YOU HAVE NO RIGHT DEREK TO TREAT ME AND MAKE ME WONDER WHY IM OF NO WORTH TO YOU NOW. YOU ARE KILLING ME AND I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY SUDDENLY YOU DEEM ME UNWORTHY OF EVEN THE FUCKING TRUTH OF WHY ! makes me feel All ive done is believe your own words that you swore to be true Derek so why are you punishing me for believing and falling in love with you...its not right and i dont understand how it is that you can befriend me and keep me in your life for over three years telling me shit about how you hold mr dear to your heart and how you cant believe i stuck it out till the end with you and that you wanted me in your life etc etc derek...How could you say that to me and do that to me just to pass your time...how in the fuck do you do that to someone and or talk to someone for three years and not give a fuck about how or what you make them feel like or what your bullshit would do to me especially after you know i almost died and all the other shit that has happened to me how could you not give a fuck and treat me like shit by ignoring me and acting like i was a bothersome chore that wasnt worth your time ..? Why would you do this to a person Derek.? I have done everything ive ever told you I would do Derek....I wish you could say the same. Why dont I matter to you or anyone else really...When you matter the MOST to me. .
I understand that you have been facing some significant challenges lately such as I dont deserve to feel like this , and that this would be making you feel and you dont even care enough to call me . My recent challenging You dont deserve me either. has left me feeling I hate these feelings, and I do not want this to have any impact on our relationship. Whilst we have had our challenges I am looking foward to the future, and experiencing i feel so humiliated and used by you derek and you dont care ...its unbelievable to me realky together. Love Donda Michelle 
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