Dear panda, What's meant to be will always find a way. I wanted to the tell you about my feelings in person but then I thought how much more personal it would be to put them down in a letter. It might seem old fashioned, but there is something special about the written word - somehow it seems a little more permanent and meaningful.
There are so many things that I have been meaning to say to you but just haven't found the words until now. I feel that You probably hate me right now, I know. But I will never be able to forget about you. My dream is to just meet you for once and explain to you all the things that made me do it. And I pray to God every day that you're still alive. . I decided put down these words because I fell in love the day we met. I know you most likely don't love me anymore but I still love you.... I was recently thinking of you at... no where I guess... but the one place I can always imagine us the most is in New York. Right there in time square where we planned to be..., I could always imagine us there. Me on my toes and you bending down with your arms around my waist because of our heights.... I can imagine us saying I love you over and over again the way we used to. Just like those nights on oovoo.... I guess it would be a lot different though... But it would be so much more special. Even though it will never happen... If only I wasn't so fucked up, we could actually have a future. You deserve someone better and I'll be happy when you find the one.. Your your amazing smile makes me feel... Oh God, your smile lights up my whole world. I can imagine it right now and it gives me butterflies. How your eyes would brighten could make my whole day and night..
I understand that you have been facing some significant challenges lately such as The thought about.... me and having to move back to the Philippines., and that this would be making you feel I understand that it's hard. I feel so bad that I did it and I would do anything to take it back... but then again I would have never met you if I hadn't done it. And moving back to a different country is so hard and I'm so sorry. I would do everything I possibly could get you back here or even trade places with you. But I can't and I'm sorry.. My depression has been absolutely terrible lately. My cuts keep getting deeper and I don't know what to do about it. The thoughts of what it would be like to finally get out of this hell keep getting more and more tempting. Sometimes the only thing that keeps me here is the thought that I'll never actually be able to see you. And when I said if I never text back then you should know what happened to me and even tho you were probably hating me at the moment you still said don't you dare. I still kinda love you... a lot and it breaks my heart that you'll never love me has left me feeling hopeless. But I'm trying. Whilst we have had our challenges I am looking foward to the future. I just wanna see you. Touch you. Give you the biggest fucking hug ever. I just want to say I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you to your face and let you see the real me. I just want you. Love kitty 
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