Dear Matthew, Love is when you look into someone's eyes and go all the way inside; to their soul and you both know... instantly! I wanted to the tell you about my feelings in person but then I thought how much more personal it would be to put them down in a letter. It might seem old fashioned, but there is something special about the written word - somehow it seems a little more permanent and meaningful.
There are many things that I have been meaning to say to you but just haven't found the words until now. I feel that You and I met for a reason and although we have lived through times we felt unfair and questioned the reasoning behind the hurt and pain it left, we still managed to maintain and nurture a spark that grew into a blazing fire. I believe you are my soul mate and I know in my heart that you are the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I want to be your wife and continue to grow with you and love you and our family more and more with each passing day. I decided to put down these words because our lives lately have been so stressful and chaotic, and in times like these it can be easy to just fall apart and give up on something. As a result, I just want you to know how much I love you and appreciate everything you have done and continue to do, and let you know how much more I love you with each passing day! I was recently thinking of you at at home amongst friends, after watching the hurt of multiple plans falling through, and believing that no one really cared to know how hurt and in need of something familiar you were, to see that finally two people so close to you and seeing smiles and hearing nothing but laughter was the happiest I had been for you and for us as a couple in so long. The simplicity of something like that meant so much to me.. Your Gorgeous green eyes and playful smile makes me feel appreciated loved and so unbelievably happy!
I understand that you have been facing some significant challenges lately such as moving to a completely new city and not having the same support and friendships you are used is something I believe would cause a great burden on anyone. Even though you may have not be where you were hoping you'd be right now, I am thankful for the patience you have had as it allowed me to attempt a similar routine for tranquility. It is a balance in life I would like to achieve, however, I realized in life it isn't difficult for people to maintain happiness but not having the ability to have "me" time and constantly feeling stuck and trapped in a space that sometimes is stuck in a state of temporary chaos can deteriorate that happiness and all that goes with it at a rapid pace. Unorganization, arguing clutter etc. can have a negative impact on someone's whole being quickly and this state of a home should be the last aspect that has the ability to tear a love so strong apart , so incredibly quick. It should be impossible to do that to something so rare and special, which allows understanding for the future and how to accept and allow for life to unwind in favour for the love between two people. My recent challenging is coping with things that I have been through in my life that have left huge emotional and traumatic scars. I know, more than others realize, how unfair it is to use past negative events and judge the future, which is one thing I work on every day, not to allow that to happen. I know you for who you are and no one in my past can even remotely compare to you and the relationship and love we share. The biggest challenge is the result in terms of external actions due to what is described as my doing. I may not have had the worst life, but I know it wasn't what virtually anyone who knows me, believes it to be. I know love and I know hurt, I can recognize acceptance and feel abandonment. I live day by day with a mother trying to take my saving grace from my life. While the thoughts as to why my biological mother could have thought to just let me go and to disappear from her life. But it seems the only thing anyone can do easily is complain and see the negative. That is the aspect in my life that I admit I have almost become powerless to, but I refuse to allow it to happen. I'm challenging myself everyday with controlling my biggest challenge in my life. I refuse to allow anymore negative energy to control any part of me and I know as long as I have you and Roxanna in my life, nothing should ever have the ability to take away the happiness and everything that comes with the love of our family. While we have had our challenges I am looking foward to the future, and experiencing our future beginning with the common core program as the beginning of the achievements we have to look forward to. From there, the ability for you to begin the future you've been working so hard to achieve. Engagement, new fiends, family and working towards building our family as well. Knowing we have the ability to do anything we set our minds to, I believe we will have evereything we dream for ourselves, ability to provide any and everything for our children and falling in love more and more each day together. This is the dream and hopes I hold for our family.
I Love You Always Forever
Jillian <3 xox
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